Ex- England leader Lewis Moody has disclosed he has been found to have motor neurone disease and acknowledged he cannot yet face the full ramifications of the muscle-degenerating condition that ended the lives of fellow rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The middle-aged sportsman, who was a member of the 2003 championship side and lifted several English and European titles with Leicester, spoke to BBC Breakfast two weeks after finding out he has the illness.
"There's an element of confronting what lies ahead and being reluctant to completely absorb that at the present time," he stated.
"It's not that I don't understand where it's heading. We comprehend that. But there is absolutely a reluctance to look the future in the face for now."
Moody, speaking alongside his wife Annie, explains instead he feels "calm" as he concentrates on his immediate wellbeing, his family and getting ready for when the illness deteriorates.
"Possibly that's trauma or possibly I handle situations differently, and after I have the information, it's easier," he added.
First Signs
Moody found out he had MND after noticing some weakness in his shoulder while training in the gym.
After physiotherapy was ineffective for the condition, a series of scans revealed nerve cells in his neurological system had been damaged by MND.
"You're presented with this medical finding of MND and we're appropriately very moved about it, but it's so strange because I feel like everything is fine," he remarked.
"I don't sense ill. I don't feel sick
"The signs I have are rather minimal. I have a small amount of muscle deterioration in the hand area and the shoulder region.
"I remain capable of accomplishing whatever I want. And with luck that will persist for as long as is possible."
Disease Progression
MND can progress quickly.
Based on the charity MND Association, the condition kills a third of people within a 365 days and above half within 730 days of identification, as ingestion and respiration become harder.
Medical care can only slow decline.
"It isn't ever me that I am upset for," stated an emotional Moody.
"There's sadness around having to inform my mum - as an only child - and the implications that has for her."
Family Consequences
Conversing from the family home with his wife and their family dog by his side, Moody was overcome with emotion when he mentioned breaking the news to his sons - 17-year Dylan and adolescent Ethan - the traumatic news, saying: "It was the toughest thing I've ever had to do."
"These are two excellent boys and that was quite devastating," Moody stated.
"We were seated on the sofa in crying, Ethan and Dylan both embraced in each other, then the dog jumped over and started removing the moisture off our faces, which was rather funny."
Moody explained the focus was staying in the present.
"There is no cure and that is why you have to be extremely intensely concentrated on just accepting and savoring everything now," he stated.
"According to Annie, we've been truly fortunate that the only real choice I made when I left playing was to spend as much duration with the kids as possible. We can't reclaim those years back."
Player Link
Elite sportspeople are unevenly influenced by MND, with studies indicating the incidence of the illness is up to six times higher than in the wider community.
It is considered that by reducing the air accessible and creating damage to nerve cells, frequent, strenuous training can activate the disease in those inherently genetically susceptible.
Rugby Professional Life
Moody, who earned 71 England selections and competed with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was dubbed 'Mad Dog' during his professional days, in honour of his fearless, relentless method to the game.
He played through a bone injury of his leg for a period with Leicester and once sparked a training-ground confrontation with fellow player and friend Martin Johnson when, irritated, he left a tackle pad and commenced throwing himself into collisions.
After entering as a reserve in the Rugby World Cup decisive match win over Australia in 2003, he claimed a ball at the rear of the throw-in in the crucial passage of play, creating a base for playmaker Matt Dawson to attack and Jonny Wilkinson to kick the game-deciding field goal.
Support System
Moody has previously notified Johnson, who led England to that title, and a few other former players about his medical situation, but the rest will be learning his news with the broader public.
"We'll have a time when we'll need to rely on their backing but, at the present, just having that sort of care and recognition that people are available is what's important," he said.
"The sport is such a great group.
"I mentioned to the kids the other day, I've had an incredible life.
"Even when it finished now, I've enjoyed all of it and accepted all of it and got to do it with unbelievable people.
"When you have the opportunity to call your passion your vocation, it's one of the most important privileges.
"Having accomplished it for so considerable a duration with the teams that I did it with was a joy. And I understand they will wish to help in whatever way they can and I look forward to having those discussions."
